A very nice pair

(image caption: a pair of birds with the title "A nice pair of tits." They are saying "Good morrow" to each other, and one is wearing a bow tie and hat, the other a bow tie and monocle. https://www.deviantart.com/the-fifth-dementia/art/A-Nice-Pair-of-Tits-272208574)

After my last update, I did finally get to go in to the breast clinic and be seen by my surgeon. At that time they were extremely swollen, which he explained was the body's way of healing itself, by sending blood to the area.

I was told that it was now time to take all the bandages off and just air everything as much as possible, even if there was a bleed or oozing. I was also finally allowed to wash, which was both a surprise and a relief.

Home I went to enjoy my first full shower in over a month, and as advised, once everything was wet and soapy, most of the scabbing just fell right off (extremely gross), revealing beautiful healed skin underneath.

The below picture was taken on the 3rd May 2020, when I fully intended to write the last update, but instead played a lot of Skyrim.

As you can see, there has been significant change since the last update. The breast shape has changed completely from surgery day, now having much more roundness, and the gap between the breasts has filled in and become more natural.

At the moment the size is 38D, which is a massive reduction from the JJ that I was. It's bigger than I would have liked, but the size may still change as they continue to heal. One breast is also half a cup bigger than the other, but worse things happen at sea, so can't really complain. (I'm addicted to using that phrase even if it doesn't quite fit.)

I purchased my first bras since the surgery, and was surprised by how tiny they looked. I then found that actually I don't much like wearing bras any more, and I'm just sticking to sports tops. At the moment I can't go without any support, because I get a lot of stabby little pains where the skin is stretching. Around the sides of the breasts (not shown) there is a network of new, bright pink stretchmarks.

Going forward, there probably won't be another update for a while, because I'm not expecting to have anything to report. It's going to take another 10 months before everything is completely settled down, and over that time the changes will be constant but tiny.

It's been one hell of a ride. I'm super happy to be able to sleep on my side again. Am I pleased with the results? Absolutely! The relief for my back, shoulders and neck has been immense, and clothes fit better than ever before.

Would I recommend it to someone else? Yes, but with a warning. On the internet all you'll see are pictures of a before and after, and you need to be prepared for the wild ride in between. It's a major surgery. It will be tough on your body. It will be tough on your mind. Do your research, find the best surgeon for you, and get it booked in as early as possible.

Covid 19 versus recovery

(image caption: a computer rendering of the virus known as Covid 19 - a white ball with red protrusions and yellow dots).

Content warning: graphic post-surgery pictures are included within this post.

I'm writing this post on the 13th April, which makes it 5 weeks and 2 days since my breast reduction. After the first 2 weeks, the breast clinic that had been completing my bandage changes advised that they wouldn't be able to see me any more, due to the Covid 19 outbreak. They made up a pack of supplies for me, and told me to handle things myself from there on. To say that I never foresaw a scenario where I would be changing my own bandages after a surgery is an understatement. After all, I'd paid my money to go private, so it was a given that I would receive the very best of aftercare. 

Well, it seems that life had other plans! 

I know there are a lot of people out there whose surgeries have been put on hold, and my heart goes out to all of you. I feel that if mine had been delayed it would have really shaken me up, and maybe put me off having it done all together. Time to think when it comes to having a surgery is the worst thing.   

At this point, I have no idea when anything will get back to normal. Somehow I've managed to get through 3 bandage changes by myself, but it's been rough. I start the process by having a shower. which is the 1 full body shower that I get to have each week. Then, when the bandages are nice and wet, I take the whole lot off at once. The white squares over the top come off quite easily, the inadine patches underneath, which go over any holes or areas that aren't healing so well, are trickier and stiffer. 

Below are pictures of my breasts, 5 weeks post-surgery. Slightly censored. 

As you can see, there is a fair amount of swelling and discolouration. The skin under the right breast has split open a tiny bit, and the left nipple is surrounded by holes and the surrounding skin looks like it's been through a shredder.

Strangely enough, I feel virtually no pain, just the occasional twinge.                                                                                                                            

There have been a few benefits in recent weeks.  My back, neck and shoulder pain seems to have disappeared for good, and the grooves in my shoulders seem to be correcting themselves. I haven't had any headaches.          

The biggest issue of all has been sleeping. 5 weeks sleeping on my back has been awful, and has meant that I have hardly slept at all. The only thing I have found that works for me is to sleep on the sofa sitting up.

I have a catch up scheduled with my surgeon on the 15th April, and fingers crossed that it goes ahead, because I could really use some reassurance that everything is healing as it should be.  

So, that's all I have to say right now, and I hope that this blog has been informative or useful to you, dear reader. 

Wishing you a pleasant week ahead.

Want to donate to my recovery? Click here.

Breast reduction surgery: two weeks later

(image caption: a cropped image of a person with large breasts wearing a black lace bra, showing only the torso, with the word 'censored' across.)

Content warning: you may find images included in this post to be offensive or disturbing. The intent is to educate and inform, and if you don't want to see breasts, this is not the blog for you.  

I couldn't tell you how many men have asked me for photos of my bare breasts. Back when I was actively dating and putting myself out there to meet people, it was a weekly, if not daily, occurrence. (However, not as regular an occurrence as random strangers sending me pictures of their penises, which seemed to coincide particularly with any time I commented on a BBC article.) I never did take any pictures, or shoot the home movie that a partner in my 20s was always wanting to make, but I decided I would take one "before" picture for the purposes of educating people on how a surgeon prepares you for the knife.

 (image caption: a large pair of breasts, covered in black marker pen, showing the lines of incision for the surgeon).

In order to avoid censorship, you will see that there are no nipples on this photo. My breasts were so large, the nipples were practically down by my waist, and were very turned out as well. 

Getting drawn on was a weird and uncomfortable experience. Of course I knew that I was going to be cut apart, with a sharp blade, but seeing exactly where the incisions were going to be made definitely gave me the urge to run out of the hospital and call off the whole thing. I asked the surgeon if anyone had ever run, and he said "not yet." 

In the two weeks since the surgery, there have continued to be ups and downs. The crippling back and neck pain, headaches, nausea and dizziness finally tailed off after about 9 days. I contracted a stomach virus, so that was an extra burden. 

My first bandage change, a week after the surgery, was unpleasant. Imagine tape being pulled off your breasts/chest for an extended period, and then imagine that everything is super sensitive and sore. I was very lucky that my mum came with me to hold my hand, and whilst I sat with my eyes shut, she assured me that everything was looking good. I decided not to take any pictures of that first set of bandages, because there was a lot of blood and pus, and I didn't want to keep a memento of that. 

I did however decide to take a picture of the new set of bandages, which show how much things have changed since before the surgery. 

(image caption: a medium sized pair of breasts, with gauze over the nipples (and heart emoji's for censorship purposes), and bandages across the underside.)

This picture was taken 10 days after surgery, and healing is well underway. The right breast continues to have a very slight bleed, but scarring is minimal, and there have been no other issues.

The shape and size of my breasts will continue to change for the next year.

At time of writing this post, it's exactly two weeks since the surgery. I'm still not feeling back to full health, and I'm completely over wearing this stupid giant surgery support bra, but I do have growing confidence that it will all be worth it in a few months time.

Surviving the surgery

(image taken from: https://medium.com/@dhanwantarischrysalis/breast-reduction-surgery-what-it-is-benefits-procedure-risks-and-much-more-8de29bd0212) (image caption: a 4-step cartoon showing the stages of 1 type of breast reduction. 1: Incisions outline the area of the excess tissue to be removed. 2: Escess skin and fat are removed. The nipple and areola and then moved to a new and higher position. 3: The incisions are brought together to reshape the now smaller breast. 4: Sutures are placed around the areola and can extend downwards and horizontally under the breast crease.)

Content warning: some people may find the following post distressing. 

I had hoped to get a post up in a day or two after surgery, but recovery has been a lot harder than I thought it would be.

The day of my surgery was 7th March 2020, which feels like months ago but was less than a week. I wrote before that I felt ready to go under the knife, but on the morning of the surgery I found myself with doubts.

I checked in to the hospital at 7.45am, into a private room, since I was paying the hospital £5,800 for the pleasure of being there (not including surgeon consultation fees). My mum and partner came with me, and were allowed to stay all day, which was another perk.

The surgery was not until after 12pm, and so that was a lot of time to fret about it. Dr Stephenson (I've since been told that surgeons are Mr and not Dr, but I feel I've committed to this now) came to see me and put a lot of black marker over my breasts, giving him a guide as to what to remove and where to move my nipples to. (That picture will be going up at a later date).

Looking at all the black ink was a tad horrific. It really brought home the fact that my breasts were actually going to be completely cut apart, and that this was actually quite an undertaking. I felt bad then for not being body positive enough, and for failing the body positivity movement by being unable to love my gigantic, painful mammaries. I still feel a bit weird about it all to be honest, even now it's done.

The nurse and anaesthetist took me in to the preparation room outside the theatre, and did their best to make me comfortable. I knew from experience that I would soon be out, and that the next thing I knew I would be waking up in recovery, and that's exactly what happened.

I did so much reading beforehand, I thought I knew what it would be like. Everyone talked about waking up feeling lighter, but it wasn't anything like that for me. My boobs had gone from being down by my waist to being shoved up under my chain, and felt like two rocks. 2 kilos in weight had been removed, but I didn't feel any difference at all.

And then came the vomiting. Maybe people don't talk about this, or I was just really unlucky, but my skin felt about a thousand degrees, and I needed to vomit a lot. Projectile. It wasn't like vomiting at home, in the toilet, when you're a bit unwell, it was animalistic heaving. I couldn't eat that day, and I hadn't eaten since the evening before. Even the day after, I was nauseous.

Up my nose were oxygen tubes, because whilst on the operating table I experienced tachycardia. That's when your heart is beating so fast that it can fail to fill with blood, and it's a very bad thing. For days afterwards, I still felt my heart racing, and it's something that still needs to be addressed.

I was wearing an extremely tight compression bra, which holds everything in place, and over the top of that is a tight band. It was hard to move, and hard to breathe. I had so looked forward to waking up and feeling a weight off my lungs, but instead it was the same as ever, and probably worse.

All I could do was vomit, and try to sleep, and hope that things looked a lot better when I woke up.

Running the gauntlet

(Image caption: Obstacle Course To The Voting Booth art print by Brendan Loper.  A cartoon image showing various obstacles, such as tyre rings and burning hoops.)

Back when I made my appointment to meet Dr Stephenson in January, I didn't think about the steps that would come afterwards. I think if I had, it would have been overwhelming, and the surgery would have been put off for another ten years. By the end of that appointment, we had picked a surgery date of the 7th March, and then I just had to get on with it.

When you have a surgery like this, you have to show that you are certain you want it done, and demonstrate that you have taken time to consider it, or back out. Before the surgery could go ahead, I had to have a second consultation, which ended up being on my birthday, 26th February.

The appointment was short and straight forward, but it is not what I would have liked to be doing on that day. Unfortunately there were no other appointments available, and so I made the best of it.

I also had to have a separate appointment with the hospital nurse. As with Dr Stephenson, their time was a precious as gold dust, and they had only one slot available that I could feasibly attend. It was somewhat awkward, as I had to fit it in around a training session I was attending for work, and luckily the time slot just about fit in with their schedule.

And then, after the appointments were scheduled and later attended, I still had the biggest issue to deal with: how the heck was I going to pay for this? The surgery alone was £5,800, plus I had to pay separately for the consultations.

Early on I had seized on the idea of crowdfunding, but to date, I have only raised £100, from four very kind souls. I went out to family members, and got a 3rd of the money as a loan from one relative. After that, I had no other option to go to the bank.

I was very lucky to be approved for the amount that I requested within fifteen minutes. It was a carefully considered sum, taking into account money that I already had, my disposable income, and the possibility of needing emergency funds.

Now, the surgery is about five days away. Around this time, on Saturday 7th, I will be in the operating room. I feel ready.

If you would like to donate to my campaign, please clink the link below:

Donate to my campaign


(Image caption: a person in a wedding dress with a tiny waist and very large, overflowing breasts, with a caption that says "just giving - lisasweddingbreasts - because not everyone can pull this off.")

Starting a conversation about a sensitive topic

(Image caption: Illustration by Lucy Knisley, showing three young people. One is covering their eyes, one is covering their mouth, and one is covering their ears).

I'm sure there will be more than a few people out there that could never imagine talking about their body to complete strangers. Lucky for you, dear reader, I am not one of those people. 

When starting the process for my breast reduction, I felt no reason to keep it a secret. I'm not out there screaming it at people in the street, but I have no qualms at all about discussing it. Regardless, people were going to notice that I used to have gigantic breasts and now had small ones, so secrecy was not really going to work out.

Back in January I met with a reporter from a local newspaper, to see if there would be any interest in running a story on my breast reduction. My reasons for doing this were 1) to raise awareness about the lack of funding available, and 2) to see if I could raise any money for myself. (Yes I'm aware that sounds selfish, but how many people have £6,000 spare in case they need to have a private surgery?)

The editor agreed to run the story, and so I submitted a rather lengthy article about my personal experience, and desire to go ahead with a breast reduction. And then...I waited. Every week I followed up with the reporter, and the story would be delayed for some reason or other. Finally, today, my 34th birthday, I have been told that the story is running tomorrow!

I'm hopeful that people will react positively to my story, and that it might inspire other people who are wanting to have something done to go ahead with it. People tend to wait for the right time to do things, but often there is no right time. I should have gone ahead with this years ago, but I still have many years ahead of me (I hope) to enjoy the results of this surgery, and to experience an improved quality of life. We get used to living with niggles, and things about our body that we don't enjoy, but just put up with. I'm not going to do that anymore.

Of course, there might be people out there who react badly to the article. People who think I'm vain, or take offence at the idea that I'm asking for charity. No detractors are going to stop me from living my best life, and to them I say "I may be vain, but I have great breasts."

Why crowdfunding?

(image caption: coloured circles containing cartoon faces and mobile phones, illustrating how people are connected. A megaphone dominates the left side of the image.).

Crowdfunding is something that has come in to our lives more and more in the last few years. People use to to launch businesses, products, sell their art, and to raise money for all kind of charities and charitable causes.

For me, Crowdfunding is about expanding my options. Chances are, I'm not going to raise much money for my surgery, and I fully accept that. I don't know a lot of people, the campaign hasn't been widely shared, and it pales in comparison to much more worthy causes out there. 

But, by setting it up, I'm giving it a chance. I'm reaching out to friends, family, and strangers, and giving them the option to support me if anything about my story resonates with them. It also allows people to be anonymous if they feel uncomfortable giving money.

Like so many people out there, I'm forced to spend my own money to have a life-changing medical procedure, and so by promoting my campaign, even if I don't raise money, I hope to raise awareness of how little is available to people through their public health services. Maybe it can start a bigger conversation.

If you would like to donate to my campaign, just click the link below. 

Donate to my campaign